You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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