Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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