member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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