I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
