I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
