is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
