He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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