I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
