You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
