you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
