whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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