I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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