if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
