worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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