i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
