Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
