I wish I could teleport
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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