So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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