Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
