I want to make a zoo with you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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