Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We are two peas in an std pod
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
