it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
