Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
