eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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