I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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