does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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