Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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