she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
