you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize