Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize