Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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