I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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