HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
