I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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