I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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