I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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