my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
