I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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