I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
