Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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