Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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