so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i love accidental penises.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
