Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize