Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
