Someone shit on the floor
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
