well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
