I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
