I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we made out on top of his cat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
being pregnant is like rehab
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
