His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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