the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no. you can't hotbox the world.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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