I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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