i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
