Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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