So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
