This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
