I faked an abortion last night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
