What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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